Assorted Vegetable Products
by AniBlaire
Summary: Anya has an... interesting discussion on the mechanics of Tara and Willow's relationship.


TITLE: Assorted Vegetable Products

TITLE: Assorted Vegetable Products

AUTHOR: Blaire Ryan

EMAIL:Redbat1@earthlink.net

RATING:R for frank sexual discussion (you SAID you wanted Tara to be a perv, don't blame me)

SUMMARY:Anya is curious about the mechanics of Willow and Tara's relationship.

SPOILERS:Vicarious mentions of Season 5

DISTRIBUTION:UCSL, Existence Crawls, and any others that apply.

DISCLAIMER:Joss Whedon owns it all, along with a bunch of other rich people.

FEEDBACK:I would LOVE it.

NOTES: Challenge 184 at [YGTS?][1].I must admit, also, that my knowledge on the subject is limited (I'm quite restricted by the fact of owning a penis) but I think I muddled through nicely.And yes, I know I haven't taken this challenge, but no one else had either, so I plucked it up and wrote it (like I don't have enough to write)

DEDICATION: To Fyre for the tantalizingly tasty-sounding discussion.And sorry for the crappy fic, but the weird narrator in me that never pops up, guess what, popped up, and I had to write it this way.

It started out innocently enough.Giles had asked Anya to pick up a talisman Angel had "confiscated" off the body of a dead demon.No big deal, really.But, of course, Willow volunteered to go with her.And Tara just had to go along too.This annoyed the frank ex-demon, but she had to live with it.Giles trusted Willow, but Anya was another story.

So, they'd gone to Angel's hotel, looked around, and been told by Cordelia (who was still embarrassed about the Harmony conversation, and had a hard time keeping a straight face while being introduced to Tara) that Angel had gone to some demon bar, and taken the talisman with him.

More annoyances, but Anya could handle it.

"Anyanka, darling!" The Host shouted, practically giddy, "How have ya been doll?Haven't seen you in a bohemian summer!"

Anya had been forced to confess she'd had a taste for the bar in her late demon days to Tara and Willow, "Yeah, but it wasn't to sing!I find that disturbing.But, the sea breeze's are fantastic," but after ordering one, oh the horror.It was terrible.Anya wished for her powers so she could curse the man behind the bar.But alas, it wasn't so.

Finding Angel was easy enough, not many people could drive away that many customers with their melody, or lack there of.He gave the talisman, and the three lovely ladies were about to leave, when the Host just _had_ to have them stay.And, Anya had to admit later, listening to Willow sing "Make My Boobies One More Size" by a weird fellow named Al, was hilarious.

It was after several drinks; well, maybe more than several, that they were getting a bit silly.Lorne actually had to call Angel to come pick them up, and take them back to his hotel to "sleep it off."The vampire was his new, more lighthearted self, and he was glad to have an audience that actually thought he was funny.Never mind that they couldn't stop laughing about the five flavors of condom Anya had found, including Virgin's Blood, Agitagoian Slime, Zombie Pungence, Master's Breathe, and, their favorite, Wicca's Juice.But, Angel was sure some of the laughter was for him.

The hotel was big, but Angel thought it would be best to get the girls as close to working toilets as possible, so that ruled out all but the Lobby.Cordelia would complain for a week if they puked on her desk, but that was a risk he was willing to take.He need the privacy in his room, the only other place with a bathroom, though if anyone asked, it had nothing to do with the strip club he had been forced to enter for the case.

The girls were not even tired when they got to the hotel, too much giddy energy.And, the first thing they did, was to bring all the air mattresses together, that Angel had unconsciously (though he was a 18th century man, maybe it was consciously) separated.

"You know," Anya began, "I cursed many men by turning them into women.Mostly the drunks, because they couldn't drink as much in these bodies.Thinking back on it, it wasn't a very good curse.I should've just sent them to the world without women."

"There's a world without women?" Tara asked.

"Yes, all the men reproduce asexually.No interlocking body parts, that's no fun at all.I prefer the world without shrimp," Anya said, and couldn't help giggling at the pathetic Gross National Product of the United States, wrought with no shrimping industry, creating no cocktail parties, and no upper class.

Willow and Tara giggled, "You don't need interlocking parts to have fun," Tara said.Willow blushed.

"Tara." Willow whispered, embarrassed.

"I mean, sure, Willow likes it when things are put in there, but she still enjoys non-interlocking," Tara said conspiratorially to Anya.

"Tara!" Willow stood up, and suddenly felt woozy."I have to go to the bathroom," she said, running towards the bottom-floor bathroom.

Anya ignored this, too intent on what was said before, "You can be satisfied by non-interlocking?I become bored quickly with cunningulus.Only an orgasm or two is entertaining."

Tara grinned mischievously, "Of course!You just have to spice things up a little.Have you ever covered it with chocolate syrup?Once, I ate a chocolate shake out of Willow."

Anya looked at Tara, wide-eyed, "Chocolate shake?I love chocolate shakes!"

"Yeah, and I had to make sure she was handcuffed and tied down securely.I had this purple lace, and I tied it around her ankles to the corner of the bed, and strings tied around her nipples, (she has really big nipples) that I could tug on," Tara was breathing hard, but still giggling.She thought about joining Willow in the bathroom.

Anya was still curious, "But, doesn't non-interlocking get tedious?"

Tara thought for a second, "Well, I always like to have cucumbers put up my butt when Willow fists me.Lots of spanking is always good with that, too.I guess that's interlocking."

"You use cucumbers?"

Tara nodded, "Sure. You can use lots of vegetable.And not just up your butt.Sometimes, when I use cucumbers and carrots up Willow's pussy, I wash them off and cook them for dinner.I never tell her, but it always seems to make her ready for more right after dinner.It works like a charm every time."

Anya had thoughts spinning in her head, and would have spoken up, but she passed out.Tara thought she really shouldn't have let her drink that many wine drinks, but didn't think much more of it.She had Willow to attend to.

It was the next day.They'd woken up to Cordelia's horrified yell, finding Willow and Tara naked and sticky in her bathroom when she got to work.It wasn't exactly a Kodak moment (well, it would have been, but Wesley and Gunn couldn't find a camera in time).

After leaving, they got home to Sunnydale and didn't much mention it (though Anya could tell Tara would have wanted to if she had been as drunk as last night) at all.The day went about normally, and Anya said surprisingly little until that night after five or six orgasms, as she and Xander lay breathing heavily.

"Xander, I want to be a lesbian," Anya told him determinately.

Xander, who had been falling asleep quite nicely, let his eyes shoot open."WHAT?"

Anya was surprised at Xander's outburst, "I thought men liked lesbians, Xander."

Xander sat up in the bed, "Anya, do you know what being a lesbian means?"

Anya rolled her eyes, "Of course I do.Tara told me all about it.Eating chocolate shakes out of vaginas and being tied up in the process.Oh, and you can do so many things with vegetables."

Xander just blinked, "Vegetables?Chocolate shakes and… no, bad Xander imagery, bad.Well, good, but still, no.Anya!You don't have to be a lesbian to do all that!"

Anya was confused, "I don't?"

Xander sighed, relieved that he wasn't going to lose his girlfriend post-coitus."No, no.You can do that now; you just need a girl to join in.And we can do some of that stuff too."

Anya was content now; at least she could still have REAL interlocking parts along with the other things, "Okay.Good.Xander, you have to do something for me."

"What Anya," he asked, settling back into the bed to get some sleep.

"Find a woman for us to both pleasure," he blinked again, and merely nodded, "And buy me some assorted vegetables."

The End

   [1]: http://www.four-am.com/stones/



End file.
